Open Letter to Disney From a Dolphin Trapped in a Man’s Body


I plan to visit DisneyWorld in the near future, and have a question for you. With your “coming out” against Gov. deSantis’ legislation in the “don’t say gay” imbroglio, and Disney’s elimination of using “boys” and “girls,” where Disney now cannot linguistically distinguish males, who have only XY chromosomes, by calling them “boys,” and girls, who have only XX chromosomes by calling them girls, I have a question.  I would like to plan on going to your Coral Reef Restaurant. As a boy (I’m actually chronologically in my 60s, but I self-identify as an 8-year old; I’m sure you’ll understand, right? And  just wait until 8-year olds apply for social security self-identifying as 65!), might I use the restaurant’s girl’s washroom, since we now – per our august Supreme Court nominee – no longer can identify between males and females, unless we are trained biologists?  Perhaps you employ trained biologists in front of each washroom now to verify who is who? I’m just trying to keep with the “logic” of the possible new Supreme Court member here.  

Even more, while at your aquatic themed restaurant, I would like to know if  you will allow me, in the interest of intellectual and moral consistency, to similarly use the aquarium tank as a “washroom” should the need arise during my visit, just like the other marine animals do, such as sea turtles, dolphins etc.  You see, I have always identified as a dolphin – I love swimming, taking baths, and really enjoyed watching Flipper as a child. I knew very early on that I was a dolphin, despite the oppressive human-centric bias against us who identify as dolphins, and despite my having two legs and opposing thumbs (which I hope to remedy soon through publicly funded surgery).   In fact, here is a picture, proving my point:

I do hope you will provide the same respect to us dolphins who just happen to have different chromosomes and bodily morphology from what we identify as, and that Disney will quickly approve of us in the LGBTQ-D (the “D” of course, is for “dolphin, but of course it could also be for Dolzeal, as in Rachel Dolzeal) community using the restaurant’s aquarium tank to urinate and defecate in like all the other sea animals.  I know this may sound absurd today, but ten years from now I am sure you will look back and understand that I was just ahead of the times a bit.  You may also wish to consider providing litterboxes at Disney for people who identify as cats – see this woman here:,  or hay in your restaurant for this former person who now identifies as a horse In fact, could I humbly suggest you consider hiring these two former people as animals in you next movie… perhaps, say, the latter drawing a heavy, thousand pound carriage like all the other horses? I’m sure they’ll work for peanuts. Or hay.  

Copying a few others here who also identify as dolphins. Perhaps we’ll all visit as a group! Or should I say “pod!”  

Finally – and importantly –  could you please provide the rationale behind your denial, should you answer in the negative re. my using the aquarium as a restroom. I am very curious to understand why biology is determinative in some cases – e.g., Disney restricting us human-appearing dolphins (who self-identify as dolphins) from using the tank as a washroom like the other dolphins and sea animals – but not determinative in all cases, such as in Disney’s eliminating  the use of language which has a one-to-one correspondence with genetic and morphological reality.  If there are no boys and girls, per their genetic makeup, then how do you know I am not a dolphin. Recall, genetic makeup now means nothing.  

Thanking you in advance for your logically consistent answer.  You do have a logically consistent answer…  don’t you???

Eeee-yeee-eeee (that’s dolphin for “thank you,” which I’m sure you know, working there at Disney; I am currently working through my pronunciation class in my Dolphinese 101 class, so apologies if I mispronounced a few words) .  

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *